How Do I Know if Polyamory is for Me?

A topic that brings a good coffee chat, a glass of wine, a chat between friends, probably conferences or even books!

A chat that makes you think about what relationships are and how we all have to work on those.

A topic that shows everything teaches, growth is in several opportunities and understanding as well.

Are we obligated to stay in a kind of relationship just because they have told us to? Fortunately not.

But care, love, responsibility, well-being, health, etc, come in the same package, no matter what we choose. That is the main goal or challenge.

So again, speaking about polyamory, before we dive into tips or steps, I believe we should know several things to be sure if it is the kind of relationship we want.

What am I willing to receive and give, works for any kind of relationship. Business relationships, parents and children relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, and so on.

We should know what we are dealing with, what does it even mean? That is a good way to start. Inform yourself about what is this kind of relationship. What does polyamory mean? Read or ask a person either who has been there, or even an expert on the matter.

What kind of relationship are you looking for? Be honest, do not try just to be someone else just because you are going through this process. Being true to yourself is vital, know yourself enough to start a path in which several things might change for good.

Photo by Jason Leung

Inform yourself about the partners you are about to meet. Make sure you both are on the same page. Be careful about the expectations you might create for that partner or the other way around. Open yourself to the point that you won’t get hurt and you won’t hurt either.

We need to be cautious when it comes to health. Even when we are open about a kind of relationship, taking care of yourself and making sure you are doing and receiving the same from your partner(s). Protect yourself when you decide to experiment and have intimate relationships with more than one partner. This is not a game and someone may end up not only hurt but health compromised.

Time is important, whether if you want to spend it with a partner(s) or just occasionally. It may sound crazy but some people like to schedule and others prefer just to go with the flow. Be honest about this too. It could be exasperating to be waiting to see someone that does not want or have the time to, and… the other way around.

Consider changes in your behavior once you are in the relationship. Should you be crucified or punished or pointed out just because you want some changes? No! But you should consider them and be at peace with it, inform your partners if you decide to go the other way and be calm about it!

Giving and receiving is something that we should take into consideration every time we get into any kind of relationship. It is called balance and is imperative in life as well. It is not selfish to ask for this, is just the way things are fair and have an opportunity to actually work. Be clear when you bring this to the table.

Be respectful when you do not want to continue seeing someone. There is nothing wrong with that, but on the contrary, saves you from guilt, compliment, or unnecessary fighting. Getting things ugly just because we were not clear about something, does not bring anything good.

There it is, recommendations for you to decide or take a peek about what you really want and will work for you. It is not our place to tell you what to do, but to offer a friendly overall view and some info to discover what works for you better (or not).

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