Recognizing Red Flags and Green Flags in a Relationship

Or any kind of flag! Important always to notice them ensure that you either are in the right direction or maybe each one of you should consider ending in the best way before you hurt someone or get hurt. Even though it seems that is more difficult to have and maintain a relationship, we should hope for the best and recognize the good signs or flags that will show us it is worth it to give it an opportunity.

Basically, one is the opposite of the other one. So let’s make a list of the positive ones before we start with the ones that you should see to avoid a sort of dangerous relationship.

Green Flags:

  1. There is interest or shows interest: to see you, text you, spend time with you, asking you about your day or worries about you, that obviously shows in a healthy way of course, that that person wants to get to know you and start something good with you.
  2. Respects you: It shows respect to talk to you, call you and even ask you out. Wants to know your opinion and your looks become less important because what it is wanted is your full company.
  3. It is clear for the person that you are individual: Meaning that even though it is wonderful to spend time together, he/she knows that you have a life that also requires your attention, a work that maybe needs more time than the usual or family that might need your help.
  4. You can be yourself: I believe this is one of the best! Feeling confident to be yourself and show it in the best way possible to make sure you are honest about who you are, like, dislike, can, cannot, etc. Be who you are and how you are.
  5. Trusts you and trusts him or herself: a good sign about a mentally healthy person, the best way to know that he/she will trust what you do and feel, and knows that you are there for a reason. Trust his or her self-worth and will not use that against you.
Photo by Dhaya Eddine Bentaleb

Red Flags:

  1. Alcoholism or drugs: This is a serious issue, and it is likely improbably that a relationship will start with the right foot based on this. There is no doubt that we should support our beloved ones, but we need to understand that this requires most of us to be patient enough and be aware that might not be solved or “fix”.
  2. Violent exhibits: Any kind of abuse is certainly a red flag. Someone that shows this kind of behavior is clearly someone that has not developed a healthy way to canalize emotions or lack empathy.
  3. Jealousy, lack of confidence, and control: Whenever these three enemies enter into a relationship, it is unlikely that the relationship will progress in the best sense. These will always hurt both parties the entire time, silently or loudly. Having a distorted version of ourselves due to these torturous feelings, make any relationship unbearable and impossible to even negotiate or try to solve the differences.
  4. They give you “all their time”: Even when it sounds romantic, actually to be with your partner 24/7 because they are there for you and giving you “their time”, is not reasonable behavior. Each one of you owns a time in the day that belongs to ourselves. This includes family, jobs, activities, and friends. If someone has the same as you then should be able to understand you.
  5. Lack of communication: When a person in a relationship or both in it, are not able to communicate, you sign a death sentence before even starting this relationship. Communicating what you feel, or want, or desire, or are afraid, or happy about or concerned, is vital for your relationship. In order to bond, create confidence, care for each other, this element should be in every serious relationship to make it work.

So, that is why we need to be honest with ourselves, and really see if we are ready to be in a relationship. If we are willing to make it work and set limits when it is necessary. To understand the person we are with but always pay attention to those red flags that are the ones that will kill the relationship. To be on the correct path with our partner. To be able to see the green and red flags in order to help ourselves and be able to be there for each other!

Don’t be afraid to be, if the green lights are green! Go for it and learn love, and enjoy! And don’t be afraid to leave, when the red flags are red, remember that everybody’s sake is important, and if you are miserable it will be impossible to be in one with your mind, heart, and soul!

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