Healthy Relationships: Commitment vs Obligation

A beautiful, one of the most important and interesting parts of our lives; relationships. One thing is for sure, most of our time here on earth is spent in relationships. Any kind! With our belief or religion, children, parents, relatives, friends, pets, coworkers, etcetera. So I believe, the best way to spend it is in a healthy one.

Commitment as well comes in different packages, and at different ages. We must commit to something or someone at some point in our lives.

Obligation as well sometimes comes with some aspects. In relationships, I believe should not be present at all. But let’s face it, sometimes it does, others come along and some others, we choose it.

Whenever we are in a committed relationship, things require certain aspects to be covered. It is necessary to establish certain parameters to fulfill what is asked of us and the other way around.

It is healthy to work for it in a way that you know and want to do it, without regretting or feeling overwhelmed for that. Having and maintaining a balance where everything comes together. It does not mean that it doesn’t require an effort from the parties, but the effort comes naturally knowing it is part of the love you have for that person. It is knowing that every day should be the day to show, to understand, to fix.

Photo by Dave Goudreau

It does not mean that problems will not knock on our doors, it means that they would but facing them and getting over them is teamwork and both are willing to make it through. It doesn’t mean that by the end of the day after stress, work, difficulties, joys, etcetera, will not affect your humor when you get back home and the other one has not been through the same.

Healthy relationships, work in spite of tiredness, frustration, anger, disappointment, obstacles, happiness, success, and so on. They work either way when difficulties come around and also success is present. Pushing and cheering your loved one as well as comforting a sad one.

It is contentment no matter what with your beloved ones. Understanding and empathy as two of the main ingredients.

But there is the possibility of being in an obligated relationship. Shocking but true. An obligation of any kind creates day by day one of the most negative feelings that affect deeply a relationship. Just living by knowing that you have to do something, without even wanting to, becomes a daily nightmare. Staying there, against your will and fulfilling expectations that you don’t share or not anymore leaves an emptiness in ourselves and little by little in the other person without even noticing.

When we are obligated we tend to fake many things in order to pretend some others. The truth is that is one of the worst ways of treating us and the other. We shut ourselves minute by minute because we become less capable of showing the truth or facing the truth. Sometimes we don’t want to hurt the other person but we end up doing exactly what we didn’t want to do, hate the fact or the person, or hate ourselves.

Challenges such as obstacles, difficulties, anger, tiredness etcetera become unbearable in this kind of situation. Maybe the intention is there, but living in such a way has made it impossible to be or give. Balance is not an option because our view is distorted by a negative feeling. We become selfish and vain, liars and punishers.

What’s the point! Let’s go for a healthy relationship in which we are not afraid of giving because we know that love, understanding, and empathy will make it worth it! Let’s bet for the healthy being in every aspect of our lives to become better every day. Let’s dream and make it happen, a well-structured, balanced, and reciprocal relationship. Because it is possible.

Because is the only way to live a well, content, and happy relationship! Every effort will stop being an effort and become a pleasure to be or do.

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